Children do not always say:
“I am overwhelmed.”
Sometimes they slam a door.
Cry over something that seems small.
Complain about stomach aches.
Stop wanting to go somewhere.
Become unusually clingy.
Get angry quickly.
Go quiet.
Start struggling at school.
Or behave in ways adults find frustrating.
Behaviour is not always a mental-health problem.
But behaviour can sometimes be communication.
Ask what happened, not only what is wrong
A child may not have the vocabulary to explain:
“I felt embarrassed.”
“I am scared.”
“I miss somebody.”
“I am being bullied.”
“I feel left out.”
“I don't understand what is happening at home.”
Adults can help by giving children language.
“Did that make you angry, embarrassed or sad?”
“Yuh look worried. Something happen?”
“You don't have to tell me everything right now, but mi here.”
Do not rush to stop the feeling
Adults understandably want children to feel better.
But immediately saying:
“Stop crying.”
“Nothing wrong with you.”
“Big boy don't behave so.”
can teach a child that the goal is to hide the emotion rather than understand it.
A better first response may be:
“Mi see you're upset. Come tell me what happen when you're ready.”
Feelings do not remove boundaries
Understanding a child's emotion does not mean allowing harmful behaviour.
You can say:
“I understand that you're angry. You still cannot hit.”
Both things can be true.
The feeling is allowed.
The behaviour still has limits.
Watch for changes
One difficult afternoon does not mean something is seriously wrong.
But significant or persistent changes in sleep, eating, school performance, behaviour, friendships, physical complaints or interest in usual activities deserve attention.
If you are concerned, speak with the child, their school where appropriate, and a qualified healthcare or mental-health professional.
Give children somewhere to practise
Children learn emotional language the same way they learn other skills.
Through repetition.
Through adults modelling it.
Through being allowed to say:
“Mi vex.”
“Mi shame.”
“Mi scared.”
“Mi miss her.”
Pickney have feelings too.
Sometimes adults simply have to help them find the words.