THINGS JAMAICAN PEOPLE SAY WHEN DEM DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAY
Everybody concerned.
Nobody prepared.
Somebody finally tells the family dem depressed.
Everybody loves dem. Everybody concerned. Nobody prepared.
And within seven minutes somebody has suggested prayer, food, fresh air, a shower and putting down the phone.
Most times, the person isn’t trying to hurt you. Dem just don’t know what to say.
So mek we translate the response too.
Some responses are loving but clumsy. Some are rooted in faith, fear, family culture or things we learned long ago. Some are genuinely helpful. The humour here is affectionate; the person in distress is never the joke.
Jamaican culture holds both mental-health stigma and deeply practical traditions of care.SO MEK WE TRANSLATE THE RESPONSE TOO
What dem say.
What might help.
Open each response. The point is not blame. It is a better next sentence.01 · WHAT DEM SAY“Yuh have everything! What yuh depressed bout?”
What dem might mean
“Your life looks okay from where I’m standing, so I’m struggling to understand why you’re hurting.”
What you might hear
“My pain doesn’t make sense, so maybe I shouldn’t talk about it.”
Try this instead
“I may not understand everything you’re feeling, but I believe you. Talk to me.”
02 · WHAT DEM SAY“Come man, cheer up.”
What dem might mean
“I want you to feel better, and I wish I knew how to lift this off you.”
What you might hear
“I should be able to switch this off. I’m failing because I can’t.”
Try this instead
“I know this isn’t something you can just switch off. What would make today a little easier?”
03 · WHAT DEM SAY“Yuh too young fi depressed.”
What dem might mean
“I associate depression with adult hardship, so I’m frightened and confused that you feel this way.”
What you might hear
“My age makes my pain impossible or unimportant.”
Try this instead
“I’m glad you told me. What has been feeling heavy lately?”
04 · WHAT DEM SAY“Other people have it worse.”
What dem might mean
“I’m trying to give you perspective because I don’t know how else to help.”
What you might hear
“Somebody else’s pain cancels mine.”
Try this instead
“Other people can be hurting and you can be hurting too.”
05 · WHAT DEM SAY“Nuh think bout it.”
What dem might mean
“I want the painful thoughts to leave you alone.”
What you might hear
“Stop bringing this to me.”
Try this instead
“You don’t have to stop thinking about it for me. You can talk about it.”
06 · WHAT DEM SAY“Everybody stress.”
What dem might mean
“I recognise stress and I’m trying to make you feel less alone.”
What you might hear
“What I’m experiencing is ordinary, so I should manage it quietly.”
Try this instead
“Stress is common, but what you’re describing sounds really hard. I’m listening.”
07 · WHAT DEM SAY“But yuh always laughing!”
What dem might mean
“The person I see in public looks so different from what you’re telling me that I’m surprised.”
What you might hear
“My laughter proves I cannot be struggling.”
Try this instead
“I didn’t realise you were carrying all that. Thank you for telling me.”
08 · WHAT DEM SAY“Who trouble yuh?”
What dem might mean
“Point out the culprit. Mi ready. The Jamaican instinct is to find who caused the problem so something can be done.”
What you might hear
“There must be one person to blame before my struggle makes sense.”
Try this instead
“Nobody has to have done something for you to be struggling. But if something happened, you can tell me.”
09 · WHAT DEM SAY“Eat something.”
What dem might mean
“Food is one of the ways we care. I cannot fix what hurts, but I can make sure you are fed while we face it.”
What you might hear
“Sometimes it lands as dismissal. Sometimes it lands exactly as love, especially when you stay.”
Try this instead
“Mi make yuh something small. And if you want to talk while you eat, I’m here.”
10 · WHAT DEM SAY“Pray about it.”
What dem might mean
“My faith is a real source of comfort, and prayer is one of the strongest forms of care I know how to offer.”
What you might hear
“If prayer does not fix this, I must be failing spiritually. It can also sound as if no other support is allowed.”
Try this instead
“We can pray if you want. And we can also figure out what other support you need.”
11 · WHAT DEM SAY“Mi ago pray fi yuh tonight.”
What dem might mean
“I am carrying your pain into my faith because you matter to me.”
What you might hear
“It becomes especially supportive when prayer is not the end of the contact.”
Try this instead
“Mi ago pray fi yuh tonight. And mi checking on yuh tomorrow.”
12 · WHAT DEM SAY“Come sleep over by me.”
What dem might mean
“You don’t have to be alone tonight. I can offer presence even if I do not have perfect words.”
What you might hear
“Somebody is willing to make room for me without demanding that I perform being okay.”
Try this instead
“Come sleep over by me. We don’t have to talk until you’re ready.”
13 · WHAT DEM SAY“Yuh want mi carry yuh go doctor?”
What dem might mean
“I may not know how to fix this, but I’m willing to help you find somebody who can help.”
What you might hear
“You believe me, and I do not have to navigate the next step alone.”
Try this instead
“Keep this one. Ask what kind of support would make the appointment easier.”
SOMETIMES WE ALREADY KNOW HOW TO HELP
Sometimes care sounds
exactly like care.
01Mi here.
02Come stay by me.
03Mi make yuh something fi eat.
04Want me come wid yuh?
05Talk when yuh ready.
06Mi checking on yuh tomorrow.
THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CONVERSATION