Yesterday you knew everything.

Today the answer to every question is:

“Nothing.”

You ask how school was.

“Fine.”

Something is clearly wrong.

“Mi good.”

You ask again.

Now everybody is vex.

Welcome to one of the more confusing parts of raising a teenager. 😂

Silence does not always mean rejection

Teenagers are developing independence.

They may want more privacy.

They may be figuring things out before talking.

They may worry about being judged, punished or misunderstood.

And sometimes they genuinely do not know how to explain what they feel.

The goal is not to force every thought out of them.

The goal is to make communication possible.

Interrogation can close the door

Imagine coming home upset and immediately receiving twelve questions.

“What happen?”

“Who do you?”

“Why you looking so?”

“Is school?”

“Is somebody?”

“Tell me now.”

Even a teenager who planned to talk may suddenly decide otherwise.

Try:

“Yuh seem quieter than usual. Mi not going force you, but if something happen, mi here.”

Then give them some room.

Talk while doing something else

Face-to-face conversation can feel intense.

Some teenagers talk more easily in the car, while cooking, walking, doing hair, playing a game or sitting somewhere without direct eye contact.

The conversation does not need an official meeting.

Listen before correcting

If your teenager tells you something difficult and your first response is anger, punishment or a lecture, they may learn that disclosure creates danger.

There will be situations where action or boundaries are necessary.

But first, understand what happened.

“Tell me the whole thing before mi respond.”

That sentence can buy both of you time.

Know when privacy becomes safety

Teenagers deserve privacy.

But if you have reason to believe a young person is being abused, exploited, threatened, harmed, is harming themselves, is considering suicide, or is otherwise in immediate danger, safety takes priority.

Seek appropriate professional or emergency help and involve a trusted responsible adult as needed.

Do not promise secrecy when somebody's safety is at risk.

Keep the door open

Your teenager may not talk tonight.

Your job is to make sure they know the door will still be there tomorrow.